You know, it’s really a funny thing. Do I mean funny-ha-ha? Maybe. Perhaps you just really don’t understand how an action affects someone, until it happens to you. But in all fairness, I really don’t seethe events as the same thing. And clearly, in my mind they’re not, but I guess they bear resemblance.
Wayback, I had a friend who liked this guy. I worked with the guy. He was a “friend “ to me. We hung out some. Had some things in common. And for a while of time I listened to her go on and on about Said guy. Which was fine. We all get crushes. But I knew this guy didn’t seem to be interested in her. And I decided he probably would not be. Nothing against either of them, I just didn’t see it happening. Even though she was an amazing girl and any guy would have been stupid to not want to date her. (some guys are stupid). Then, I developed a mini crush on this guy, and spent some time hanging out with him- but like friends. (NOT that I really thought this guy would ever be interested in me, either….. but I guess I hoped so. ) Of course when I was talking about what fun we had, my girlfriend got pretty upset with me. Once she said so- and why. I realized what I had done and why she would be so upset with me. She thought I was trying to scoop the guy. Or rubbing my friendship with him in her face somehow. ( at least I think this is why she was mad with me) Which, I was really totally not doing either of those things. But I can see how it would come across that way. But having my actions brought to my attention, really enlightened me. Lesson learned. Girlfriend forgave me. I stopped hanging with Said guy.
After that I tried to think about how my actions affect the people in my life that are important to me. Ask permissions from whoever is more important. If you love and value your friend, you might ask her if it’s ok with her, if you pursue her Ex for example. Sometimes it is, sometimes it is not. But you love your friend, so she is more important than any guy could ever be. Lesson learned. Guys come and go, but good friends are there forever.
Sooooo…… recently, someone I “Thought” was my best friend, betrayed my friendship in the wickedest way. ( but the funny thing is, when I look back of the course of a 28 year “friendship” I see if was her continuing pattern. So really not so surprising. I just somehow ignored the actions, and forgot them? Go figure. ) another lesson- sometimes you love your friends despite their shortcomings, and look past them. And other times they cross the line too far, and you don’t.
This time, I stopped looking past her shortcomings.
Rule #1: when you want to date your best friend’s Ex, you ask her if she’s ok with it.
This girl, she didn’t follow that rule.
So… after looking past her hurtful behaviours and actions, and trying not to care…. I confronted her. Telling her in no uncertain terms- “ I was NOT ok with her pursuing my Ex.”
Rule #2: friends always come before men. You always know that good friends are hard to find, and valued, they are there thru thick and thin. Guys, well, they come and go.
So… after being confronted by me, supposed best friend continues pathetic behaviour towards my ex. I guess for her the rules are different. When a guy is single, he is fair game, even if it means destroying a friendship for it.
So what’s different with what with my other friend way back when , and now is when my friend talked to me, I saw what I was doing hurt, her, and I stopped. When I asked supped friend to not pursue my ex, she didn’t care and ignored it. after all the behaviours and even stating her son thought they ought to be together, the best she could come up with, was “there is nothing happening”. yes, sure fine, I KNOW that. Cause I am pretty certain my Ex would never ever be interested in you. In a lifetime. He just humors, you, because he does feel sorry for you. But no acknowledgement of poor taste behaviour by chasing him. No stopping of action. No apology or recognition that her behaviour was in the wrong, and hurtful…
But here is the best part!!!!! Of course she cries to the ex. Poor me. So sad. All part of the manipulation game. Manipulate the Ex, to try to be the one who needs comforting, who wants and needs him. Now she tells him how worries she is about me, and how she reaches out and I don’t respond! HA well, duh, I wonder why?
Anyway, it’s like a cancer. Once it becomes a tumour- or shall we say, once you realize it’s a tumour, you cut it out of your lifer, and don’t look back. Good bye, and good riddance.
Hopefully we all learn from things that have hurt us. I know back when I was in the wrong, I was so hurt that I did something so hurtful to my friend. I felt sick. I was shocked that I didn’t see how what I was doing was going to hurt her. Talk about living in my own self absorbed bubble. But damn, it was a good, big lesson. I like to think it made me abetter person. And, I didn’t loose that best friend.
What I do know, is that it was a decade. And I hope I do better. Also, I know I do my best to keep my life filled with only positive people. No games. No motives. Real friends don’t behave that way. The people who do, are not your friends. Not in my world.