Reflection [will you jump?]

I don’t think it’s healthy to spend too much time looking back. After all; even if you regret what may have been ~ you can’t change it. It’s done. You must make peace within yourself… and focus now on what lays ahead of you; and Most Importantly~ what is here Now.
Having said that….. taking a moment now and then to reflect can also be good.
Today is January first, twenty-ten.
On New Year’s Eve we witnessed a Full Moon, A partial lunar eclipse, a Blue Moon; and the end of a decade. Here’s my wish in Reflecting back ~ for the journey forward, in a new decade.
I have been reflecting the past couple weeks I guess….whether it has anything to do with the end of a year, decade, or time in the cosmic universe, I don’t know. I’m not a holidays girl, or a Resolutions type. I don’t get the birthday blues.
My last year has had so, so, *so* many highs and lows. My personal experience has been so much more….. vivid. 3D. Deeper. Holographic. It’s hard to put a finger on describing it, but I feel as though the depths of the emotions that I have been riding are that much more intense than in the past. More intense highs, more intense lows. It’s been a bit unnerving in essence to have every scrap magnified. Like coming alive, instead of watching the story of someone else’s life like a 2 dimensional movie thru a dirty pane window…..
But I have done my best to stay connected, no matter what kind of intensity it is.
What cracks me up, is typically Aquarians are perceived as unemotional. Cold. Unfeeling even. Detached from earthly chains like emotional states. I have had people tell me point blank that I don’t care. Am cold. Too disconnected and focused on my self. I think this is the one ‘trait’ of Aquarian I am not. I feel. Deeply. So deeply.
If you once at all thought I was that way…. then you haven’t known me. Or, perhaps, I haven’t allowed you to know me. My dearest soul friends in my life – know it is so much more the opposite. I’m not cold and uncaring. Not expressing it in a way you can perceive does not in any way mean I do not feel….
My reflecting, is on my personal M.O. (modus operandi) in life. I have said before… and will say again, so much the more again now: When I find in life passion; I jump off. I don’t think about whether it’s a big fall, the water’s deep, can I swim, do I know how to fly. I jump. And trust. Believe. Believe in the outcome. My greatest Heart’s Desire. Follow the path of what I believe to be right for me.
Jumping; of course, has risks. Some jumps you fly ~ that unexpected faith, because humans don’t fly. But here you have. Sometimes you fall. Like “the Jump”, In the Matrix. They said, “Don’t worry, no one makes it the first time.”
[youtube=http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=k9Nh0Fvoe9k]
Will you Jump?
Jumping can hurt. I feel like sometimes I am afraid to continue. To feel again. To touch. To see. Afraid to step forward …and… off. I’ve jumped and fallen. When you hit the ground, and your being shatters and evaporates to darkness and dust… you wonder, how will you ever put the pieces together again? How will you live? Love? Smile? Find even a speck of joy? Trust enough to find a sparkle in your life? Some times, more than once, I wondered why? I wondered, there is so little left, I have shattered to such splinters, that how can I even breathe? How will I choose to live? < And I in no way mean this in a dark, life-taking kind of way… just more in the “how can my body continue to still breathe and live when i feel like this?” kinda way>. Existing becomes too much to bear. I want to fade to dust, to dull the overwhelming intoxication of a fall. How do human survive this?… But yet… we do. I come back stronger, clearer, more true. Takes time, I think the black will consume me… but it never does. The tears and sadness end….
This~ is the risk of Jumping. Putting the world back together, to some semblance of a life you once knew, but yet not at all the same.
Every Jump will change you.
Every Jump will be different.
Every Jump will bring you to see with new, clearer vision. Fresh eyes.
Each Jump makes you new. You have gone forward with momentum, and purpose.
Jumping is never a mistake. Only a choice.
One day; you see the Sun, and you notice the intoxicating beauty of a flower, or a little bird, or the sparkle of the snow….
I love to Jump. Finding the moment in my existence where I truly with my core *Want* to Jump. It scares the living peace out of me. But it also exhilarates me to know I step on the edge of being so Alive. I also think the Jump is a personal indicator that you are right exactly where you’re meant to be. Faced with the choice of choosing a vivid, 3D experience in your world, unlike any you could have imagined.
And, with that, I think is what it all comes down to. Why we’re here. To experience. To live. To feel. To soar. And to Jump.
Time passes. It feels as though the older I get the faster it goes. It confuses me. I feel as though I am still 25 – but yet I am not. I feel youth; not age. But the cosmos of years are passing by exponentially faster. I don’t want to miss it. I want to be here now, for each moment. I don’t want to waste a single moment with games, or wishywashyness, or in an experience I don’t choose.
Mostly, I hope I never look back and think ” I wish I had done that. Said that. Gone there. Loved more. Followed my heart and dreams.” I hope I never look back and think even a glimmer of regret like that.
So, even when I am terrified of falling, when I feel my passion, and my life sparkling, I throw my heart and soul in fully, and……
I Jump.

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